The World Has Gone Insane
by Zenovia Aisling
Summary: A silly little ditty about Quatre...and the other pilots...um...a bit of Relena bashing...and a ranting Wufei, too!
1. Pass The Salt, Please...

Today is Monday, April 2, 2001

**The World Has Gone Insane**

**Chapter 1: Pass the Salt, Please **

                    ~ Zenovia Aisling 

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Quatre's Bedroom…

Dear Journal,

Today is Thursday. Heero, Duo, Trowa, and Wufei have already begun their journey to the base. I will join them shortly. End.

Quatre closed the journal with a sigh. He missed being with his friends. Looking at the clock, he sighed again. 9:56 PM. He leaned back into the familiar stuffed camel he had been given as a baby. He picked it up and hugged it.  I will see you soon sisters, as soon as the war is over. He missed them terribly. The colonies seemed so far away from Earth. :: Knock, knock:: "Come in." Quatre said.

" Master Quatre, there is someone here to see you." His butler announced.

"Have whoever it is go to the parlor. I will be there soon."

"Very good, Master Quatre." His butler bowed and shut the door quietly behind him.

I might as well.  Quatre thought. He swung his feet off the bed and stretched.

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In the parlor…

"Hello Quatre, I'm sorry to bother you so late in the night." A feminine voice said.

"Relena?" Quatre questioned.

"Yes?" she answered.

"What are you doing here?" Quatre said confused.

"I have come on a matter of utmost urgency." Relena sighed.

"Which would be?" Quatre rubbed his eyes.

"Heero and the rest of the boys need you right away." Relena sounded urgent.

"How soon?" Quatre's brows furrowed in concern.

"Now." Relena said with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Okay. Let me get my things together, and I'll meet you down in the main lobby." Quatre sighed.

  

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15 minutes later…

"May we leave now?" Relena called through the intercom system to Quatre.

"Soon. I'll be right down." Quatre answered. 

Quatre grabbed the last item on his bed and put it into his pocket. He picked the duffel bag up, and ran down the stairs to the main lobby. "Okay. Pierre, we're leaving!" Quatre called to his butler.

" We'll see you later then, Quatre!" came the reply.

" Yup! Bye!" 

The two stepped out into the night. Quatre climbed into the truck and stuck the key into the ignition. They were off.

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_5:00 hours into the drive…_

_ _

       "Do you want me to drive now?" Relena asked.

       "W-What?" Quatre snapped out of his trance.

       "Do you want me to drive now?" Relena asked again.

       " Yeah, sure. Thanks." Quatre pulled over to the side of the road and climbed into the seat on the other side. Relena took the driver seat, and they drove off again. Within 1 hour, they had reached their destination. 

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Outside the base…

_ _

       "Time to get out, Quatre. C'mon. Get up, Quatre. GET UP!" Relena shouted at Quatre.

       "Ugggggh. Where are we?" Quatre asked wearily. 

       "We're at the base. C'mon get up!" Relena was getting impatient.

       "Whoa! What's all the ruckus?" Duo popped his head out of the underground base.

            "Huh? Duo! It's so great to see you!" Quatre leapt out of the truck and threw his arms around Duo's neck.

       "Err… Great to see you too, Quatre," Duo gasped. " Can you let me breathe now?"

       "Huh? Oh, sorry, Duo. Where's everyone else?"

       "A minute ago we were sleeping," Wufei rubbed his eyes. " Must you always make so much noise when you enter a place? I think it is extremely un-honorable..." 

       "WUFEI!!!" Quatre now jumped onto Wufei.

       "Can we move this little pow-wow __inside, please?" Trowa yawned.

       "TROWA!!!" Quatre now made the action to jump onto Trowa, but he held out a hand to stop him. "Uh-uh. You're not jumping on me. Try Heero"

       "HEERO!!!" Quatre also attempted to jump on Heero, but him being Heero, he posed a threat.

       "I'll shoot you if you try to hug me." He said in his low, cold, monotone voice that made a chill go up everyone's spine. 

       "I-I'm sorry, Heero…" Quatre's voice trailed off.

       "Joking. Gimme a hug, ya big oaf!" Heero stretched his arms out to Quatre.

       "It's been so long, you guys!" Quatre sniffed.

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Inside the base…

       "Okay, everybody get some sleep, tomorrow… later today, we will launch an attack to stop our enemy!" Wufei yelled.

       "Who made you boss?" Heero smirked.

       "Sorry, your majesty." Wufei retorted.

       "Um… I hate to interrupt, but it's 2:12 IN THE MORNING!!!!! GO TO SLEEP!!!!!" Relena was extremely annoyed.

       "Sorry." All the Gundam pilots apologized sheepishly in unison.

       "Thank-you!" Relena sighed. 

The boys climbed into their beds and fell asleep immediately. All except one. 

Quatre lay in bed thinking about life before the war. The peaceful manor he lived in, his sisters, his dad, his friends. His birthday. In his mental calendar he crossed off one more day until his birthday. __I wish I could be back home… Soon Quatre, too, fell victim to sleep.

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Early Morning…

_ _

        __Mmm…I think I smell sausages…and eggs…and bacon…I think I'll get up! Quatre thought with his eyes closed. He roused and rubbed his eyes. 

        "C'mon, Quatre! Get up! Duo's going to eat everything if you don't!" Wufei yelled. "Duo! Ben dan (stupid egg)You ate all the bacon!!! INJUSTICE!!!!!"

::sigh::__Wufei… "I'm getting up! Duo! Save me some eggs!" Quatre shouted in the direction of the dining room.

        "Ermph? Erggs? Wrhut eerggs? Oorpps…" Duo said with his mouth full.

        "INJUSTICE!!! No more EGGS!?!?!" Wufei was __extremely mad.

        "Cut it out, you two! I'm trying to read the newspaper!" Trowa complained, while sipping his coffee and tilting his head up so he could read through his glasses.

        "Sorry, Gramps!" Duo bobbed his head. "Can I get you your slippers?"

        "Yes, you can. They're in the living room." Trowa replied calmly.

        "Yes your majesty." Duo grumbled under his breath.

        "Does anyone need anything else?" Heero stepped out of the kitchen wearing a frilly pink apron.

        "HEERO?!?! Is that you?" Quatre's eyes bulged out of their sockets.

        "Yeah. Wanna make something of it?" Threatened Heero raising his spatula.

        "N-n-no, sir." Quatre bowed his head, attempting, (and succeeding) to make everyone laugh.

 Wufei spat his orange juice all over Trowa.

        "Aack! My new sweater! Orange does __not mix with blue! Now __that is an un-honorable thing to do!" Trowa yelled.

        "Oh-no! I am weak! I should not be piloting Nataku! I am un-honorable!" Wufei wailed.

        "Now, __that is funny!" Duo roared.

        "CUT IT OUT!! SHUT UP!!" a pink lamp came flying out of Relena's room. Apparently, she had still been sleeping.

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**DISCLAIMER:  Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me, no matter how hard I wished for them on my birthday…on stars (or really slow-moving aircrafts)…on my __sister's birthday…on a wishbone…on a dead skunk on the highway…you get the idea…the orange juice is mine though…I squeezed it this morning…**

                  So, what do ya think? Pretty pitiful, huh? I've decided to issue this story in chapters. As Heero would say: "__Mission Accomplished!" Chow for now! J


	2. Heero Yuy, The Invincible Tulip Bulb Pla...

The World Has Gone Insane

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its components. (though I wish I did…wait, doesn't everyone? 

The World Has Gone Insane 

**_Chapter 2: _**

**_Heero Yuy, The Invincible Tulip Bulb Planter!_**

_~Zenovia Aisling_

_ _

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**Okay, so we meet the pilots again, stationed at some underground base in, er… Montana. They haven't received any orders for some time now, so they've been hanging out and um, "keeping fit." Now, to our story…**

Trowa's Bedroom…

"HA! I beat you AGAIN!" Wufei cackled gleefully.

"You suck…" Trowa muttered.

"Had enough yet?" Wufei snickered.

"One more go…" Trowa challenged.

"Oy, They'll never learn…" Duo sighed.

The pilots were spread out across the room, everyone was there, except Relena, who was still sleeping. Duo had set his heart out to build the Gundam Deathsythe Hell model, Heero was busy hacking into OZ data files, Wufei and Trowa were blowing each other to pieces playing a video game, (Pokemon Stadium 2) and Quatre was sitting on the window seat, reading a book. Their peace was disturbed when… *BLAM!!* The TV blew up. But, it all made sense, because Wufei and Trowa had been playing for about, oh, six and a half hours. "Huh?" Wufei blinked.

"The TV just blew up, Wufei." Trowa patted his shoulder reassuringly.

"Kay, we'll just play on another TV. C'mon!" Wufei got up, brushed his shirt off, and dragged Trowa out of the room.

"He didn't even say-," Duo was interrupted by a gut-wrenching yell.

"INJUSTICE!!!" Wufei bellowed.

"Never mind." Duo corrected himself.

"Duo, Duo, Duo. When will you learn. Wufei always takes the chance to say 'Injustice' when he can." Heero smirked, not looking away from his laptop screen.

At that moment, Relena barged in, (without knocking) and yells; "What the HELL just expl-," she stopped mid-sentence, realizing that, a.) no one was listening to her, b.)the TV was not there anymore, and c.) there was a lot of rubbish on the carpet. "Oh. Never mind, then." She then shut the door silently behind her.

"Girls!" Heero muttered under his breath, eyes still glued to the laptop screen.

"Who wants to bet that Wufei and Trowa's little 'accident' woke her up?" Quatre smiled evilly. 

"I do…" Wufei stumbled into the room. His shirt was torn, his pants were ripped, and he had a black eye.

Quatre leapt up, causing the heavy Harry Potter book to crash onto his foot. "YEOWCH!!!" He screamed.

Shrugging, Heero picked up the telephone. "Hello? Sally? Yeah. Who? Quatre and Wufei. Not really. Nope. No blood. Well, Wufei blew the TV in Trowa's room up, so he and Trowa went and played N64 in another room. Relena woke up when the TV blew, and barged into Trowa's room, sensing that the explosion happened in here. She then ran off and beat up Wufei. What? Oh, Trowa? I don't know…Well, anyway, Wufei stumbled into the room, and Quatre leapt up to help. His book fell on his foot. That's how it happened," Heero dropped the telephone. Trowa had just walked in, covered in make-up, head to toe. He was also carrying a purse, and was wearing a bright magenta party dress that belonged to Relena. "Okay, Trowa just walked in. Yeah, he looks fine, except for the fact that he is covered in make-up, wearing a dress, and is carrying a purse. No. Stop laughing. What about Wufei and Quatre? Yes, please come up to help. Thank-you." Heero hung the phone up.

"I HATE Relena!" Trowa bellowed. He then proceeded to waddle unevenly into the bathroom on high heels. Within seconds, they could hear water being turned on.

"He must be taking a shower," Shrugged Duo, who's eyes were glued to the half finished Deathsythe Hell model. "Whadda ya think? Cool, huh? Too bad it's not done yet."

"Uggghhh…Injustice…ouch…" Wufei twitched on the floor.

"Whoa! Do that again!" Duo grinned.

"Shut-up, baka onna!" Heero growled, smacking Duo upside the head.

"Whaaaaaaaat?" Duo whined while rubbing the spot Heero had smacked. "Oh, and I'm _not_ a woman!"

"Hn." Was Heero's reply.

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_Quatre's Bedroom…_

"I am weak…" Wufei groaned. 

"Kuso…" Heero cursed, because 

All of the pilots had moved to Quatre's bedroom because it was the closest to Trowa's. (Sally Po refused to pay medical attention to Wufei and Quatre in a trashed room. 'What the hell did you do to this room?!?!' was her first reaction when she saw Trowa's room.) Now, Wufei and Quatre were lying in beds, Duo was building the Deathsythe Hell Model, (again) and Heero was taking a break from computer hacking, and was playing Pokemon Stadium 2 with Trowa. (sigh…men…*puts head in hand and shakes head.*) "Haa-ohhh…," Trowa's cry of victory quickly changed to defeat when Heero knocked out his Pokemon. "You baka!" Trowa growled.

"Hn." Heero smirked evilly. 

"You guys! Don't be so loud-," Duo hissed.

"Oh, since when did you-," Trowa glanced over his shoulder, only to see Duo's eyes still glued to the model. "Ugh. Nevermind."

"What? I need total concentration for this!" Duo whined.

"All of you! Shush! Wufei and Quatre need rest!" Sally Po warned.

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_In the hanger…_

"Uh, guys?" Quatre cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"Hm?" Trowa raised an eyebrow.

The pilots are in the hanger, making repairs and adjustments to their Gundams. Quatre walks in and clears his throat. "I'm afraid Romefeller has located our position. 

"Shit." The braided one swore.

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End file.
